Pieces of Me Read online

  He laughed louder and I giggled with him. ‘No chance of that.’

  ‘Do you have any plans for dinner, Bear?’

  He rubbed a hand over the stubble on his chin. ‘Ah … no. I don’t’

  ‘I’m making spaghetti bolognaise. I’ve more than enough for two and you’re welcome to join me. As a thank you for all your help today.’

  He grinned wide and I blushed, because all I could think was how I would love to kiss that sexy mouth. It had been six long years since I’d had a thought like that. I glanced around, a habit, looking for him … Allister. And the relief that overwhelmed me each time I remembered he was not here was like a new burst of life.

  ‘Yeah. I’d … sure. I’m starving.’

  I grinned. ‘Good.’ An engine sounded and I caught a glimpse from the corner of my eye at the road adjoining my street. My smile and all good feelings fell away. My heart thudded. ‘Allister,’ I whispered, watching the black Mercedes speed away.

  Bear flicked his head to see and growled, ‘He can’t take a hint. A little possessive, is he?’

  I nodded. ‘I’m all he knows. He’s all I’ve known for so long. Us talking. He won’t like it. He’ll be so angry.’ My stomach twisted as guilt settled in like a sinker. That will teach me for getting cocky. For forgetting. I jogged up the stairs, grabbed my keys from my bag and opened the front door. I leant my surfboard against the wall and marched to the kitchen.

  ‘Do you want a glass of wine?’ I called over my shoulder.

  ‘Um … sure. If you are.’

  ‘I definitely am.’ I reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of white. I had red, but in this heat it would need a little chilling and I didn’t have the patience for that. I grabbed out wine glasses and poured two full drinks. I took a deep swallow on mine as I handed Bear his.

  Bear took his glass, but he was frowning and his eyes narrowed. ‘Hannah?’

  I took another swallow before answering. ‘Yeah.’

  ‘The wine isn’t going to solve Allister.’

  I lowered my glass to the bench with a clang. I placed both palms on the bench top and breathed deeply, gaze downcast. This was what I had learnt to do, was made to do—avoid. I avoided everything. I avoided that I was in an abusive relationship and as Allister took more and more pieces of me, I avoided life. As soon as I felt uneasy, my first reaction was to avoid it. That’s what I’d been doing for so long. I didn’t know any other way of dealing. I looked up at Bear. He was frowning. Uneasy.

  ‘You’re right. It’s not going to fix it.’ I forced a smile. ‘But it might make me feel a little better while I figure out how to.’

  He grinned, but it was weak. ‘Talk to me, Hannah.’

  Bear took a seat at the dining table and waited for me to say something. But I’d had years of hiding myself and my life away from people, I wasn’t going to start sharing it with the world now.

  I bit down on my bottom lip and shook my head. ‘I’m not going to bore you with my ridiculous dramas. I’m fine. It’s fine.’

  He nodded, but his expression showed his disbelief.

  I took a deep breath. ‘Spaghetti bolognaise,’ I said opening the fridge and scouting for my ingredients. ‘It was a favourite of mine as a kid. Gran taught me to make it.’ I placed the minced beef, garlic and onion onto the bench. ‘She made the yummiest spag bol on the planet.’

  Bear smiled. ‘She made it for me in exchange for mowing her lawn. A big bowl of it that would last for days. Best I’ve had.’

  I grinned despite a nostalgic sadness squeezing my chest. ‘I hope I can do Gran’s justice. I haven’t had the chance to make it much. Allister hates any food considered foreign …’ I stopped and strained a smile.

  Bear wrinkled his brow. ‘Foreign?’

  ‘Yeah. You know, like pizza, pasta, Chinese food, Indian … Meat and veg or meat and chips is all he eats …’ I shook my head. ‘He was weird with food. He was weird with a lot of things come to think of it.’

  Bear laughed loudly. ‘Sounds like it.’

  I lowered my attention to the bench, at my shaking hands. ‘Your ute out front is scaring him away, but he’s going to come back as soon as you leave.’

  He sighed. ‘Yeah. I’ll give Serg a call later to let him know.’

  I reached for my glass and brought it to my lips. A little wine spilled over the rim from the trembling in my hands. It was new, this physical manifestation.

  As I took a sip, I looked at Bear. He was watching me, my hands. ‘I’m stronger than this,’ I said, my throat tight, my chest burning.

  Bear stood and came to my side. He grabbed the wine glass from me and placed it on the bench. He took my hands in his, I let him this time, and he held them. He was frowning. ‘I know you are.’

  Tears sprang to my eyes, but he didn’t let go of my hands for me to wipe them away. I wanted to hide my face, but I had nowhere to go with his gaze set on me.

  ‘I hate this. That this is who you’re seeing. This fragile woman. This isn’t me. Do you understand?’

  He nodded.

  ‘I used to be so happy. I was fun. Brave. I’d laugh all the time. All the time. I’m still in here. I just can’t seem to find me …’ My words faded away. How could he understand this? Why was he still standing here with me? ‘I’m sorry, I sound like a crazy woman—’

  He shook his head. ‘Believe me, I understand what you’re saying.’

  ‘You do?’

  ‘More than you think. And I’ve seen you in there, Hannah. But you’ve been through an ordeal. A massive change in your life moving here. Sometimes things just take a little time to work through. A bit like surfing.’

  I stared up into his pale green eyes, so full of compassion. ‘Yeah. I … just need some time. And I need Allister out of my life. Him coming here … Will he give up? Or am I going to have to deal with him forever?’ Tyres screeched along the gravel road outside. I yanked my hands out of Bear’s and peered out through the front window to see the tail end of Allister’s car. My cheeks were so hot. In front of Bear, with Allister acting this way, I was nothing more than mortified to think that I could have ever loved a man who would behave like this.

  I scrubbed my hands over my face then reached for my glass again. I took a long swallow and emptied the glass. I shook my head, my breaths shallow.

  ‘You don’t have to put up with this, Bear. This is ridiculous. Please, you go. I’ll give the Serg a call—’

  He held my shoulder. ‘Hannah, stop.’ I shut my mouth and looked up at him. ‘I’m not going to leave you to deal with him on your own.’

  I sighed. ‘I know you wouldn’t, but I’m telling you to. You don’t know me. You don’t owe me anything, especially not this.’

  He breathed in noisily, his gaze hard on mine. ‘No way in the fucking world am I leaving you to deal with him on your own.’

  I stared up at him, seeing his resoluteness, unable to negate it with words. I slowly nodded. ‘Thank you.’

  He shrugged. ‘Now, do you want me to dice the onions? I’m starving.’

  I smiled. ‘Yes. That would be good.’

  As we diced the ingredients side by side, I realised, despite Bear’s words, that if this was ever going to end, I was going to have to stop avoiding Allister and deal with him myself.

  How? I didn’t know.

  Chapter 16

  Bear

  I shoved a forkful of warm spaghetti into my mouth and moaned as I chewed it.

  ‘Oh yeah. That’s it.’

  Hannah grinned. ‘Good, eh?’

  I nodded. ‘I’m not being disrespectful here, but it may be better than Jocey’s.’

  She laughed—a natural genuine laugh that eased the knot in my stomach.

  ‘So tell me, Hannah, have you had a chance to write?’

  She shook her head. ‘No, not yet.’

  ‘Maybe if your lazy-arse carpenter got to renovating your office, rather than surfing all day.’

  She laughed again. ‘I know. That c
arpenter’s got some nerve.’

  I scooped another forkful of spaghetti and closed my eyes as I chewed.

  ‘I do plan to, though. It’s on my bucket list to finish a book …’ Her words trailed off and she pulled on her earlobe. ‘I wish I didn’t mention that.’

  I grinned wide. ‘The bucket list, you mean?’

  She could barely look me in the eye as she nodded.

  ‘Come on. We’re grown-ups. Hell, I’m all for sex in public spaces.’ Her face glowed bright red and I burst into laughter. ‘Too soon?’

  She nodded. ‘Much too soon.’

  ‘Okay. Noted. I’ll not mention the one-night stand point then.’

  Hannah groaned and lowered her face in her hands, but she was smiling. As well as flushed.

  ‘Any ideas for a book?’

  She slowly raised her head to look at me and took a long mouthful of wine. Her hands were steady now. ‘I think I might.’

  I shifted on my seat so I was leaning closer over the dining table. ‘Tell me.’

  ‘It’s got to do with a bucket list.’

  I raised a brow. ‘Really? An erotic tale?’

  She burst into laughter, her cheeks darkening to pink. She did look irresistible blushing like that.

  ‘No. Not an erotic tale. I thought I’d write about Grandma’s bucket list. I found hers in that timber chest. It’s what inspired me to write my own.’

  ‘Really?’

  She nodded. ‘She has all these books and photos and things, records of all the amazing places she went. There’s a diary too. And I just know it’s full of fantastic fodder for a story, but I’m too scared to open it.’

  ‘Why?’

  She pursed her lips together and shrugged. ‘I don’t feel like I’ve a right to pry.’

  ‘You’re her granddaughter.’

  ‘Not a very good one,’ she whispered, her gaze finding her plate.

  ‘Well, from what I’ve been told, that’s not your own doing.’

  Hannah looked up at me. ‘What were you told?’

  ‘That your mother had a big part to play.’

  ‘Do you know why Mum and Gran stopped speaking?’

  I shook my head. ‘But you never know, the answer may be in that diary.’

  ‘I should just look at it, shouldn’t I?’

  ‘Yeah.’ My phone chimed. I grabbed it out of my pocket and looked at the screen. ‘Oh shit, sorry, I need to answer this.’

  ‘Go ahead.’

  I stood and headed for the front door. ‘Hey, what’s up?’

  It was Rebecca. ‘Just wondering if you’ll be home for dinner. I’m starving and I want to eat.’

  I opened the door and stepped outside onto the porch. ‘Sorry. I should’ve called. Um no. I’m having dinner at a … um … friend’s house.’

  She was silent for a while and when she spoke again I could hear the smile in her voice. ‘By friend do you mean a girl’s house?’

  ‘Yes, but it’s not what you’re thinking.’

  ‘Hmmmm. Interesting. Are you coming home tonight?’

  ‘Yes. Of course. I’ll be home a little later.’

  ‘Okay. I’ll see you later then. Don’t rush.’

  ‘Bye, Bec.’

  She hung up and I grinned. I turned to go back inside when I noticed the car parked across the street. Allister. This guy wasn’t giving up.

  I sent a text off to Serg to let him know, then shoved my phone back in my pocket. Maybe he’d send a patrol car past to scare him. I went inside, locking the door behind me and drawing the front curtain.

  Hannah was rigid in her seat when I made it back to the table. ‘He’s out the front?’

  I nodded. ‘I’ve texted Serg.’

  She was shaking her head, her lips twisted. Her fist slammed down hard on the table top. ‘How dare he? He doesn’t have a right anymore to do this to me. He has no right!’

  ‘He never had a right.’

  ‘But people will continue to treat you the way you let them, won’t they?’ She didn’t expect or wait for an answer, instead her chair scraped against the timber floor as she stood.

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘I’m going to talk to him. I should’ve done this in the first instance instead of stalking off with my tail between my legs as though I’m the one who was doing something wrong.’

  ‘No way, Hannah. You don’t know how he’ll react. Guys like him, they’re unpredictable.’

  She stopped and squeezed the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. Her breathing was heavy. ‘I need him out of my life, Bear. I need him gone. Gran left me this house so I had a safe place to live. So I could get away from him. And he turns up and does this. He’s not going to stop until I talk to him.’

  ‘He’s not going to stop if you do talk to him. He’s insane.’

  ‘I need to try.’

  ‘Then I’m coming with you.’

  She shook her head. ‘No. I need to do this by myself. Wait at the door please.’

  ‘I’m not comfortable with this. Not at all.’

  She took a deep breath in and strode to the door. I followed her to the porch and lingered there as she marched across the road towards the car. My adrenaline was firing, making my muscles twitch. If he touches her, if he threatens her, he’s dead.

  Chapter 17

  Hannah

  My stomach was in my throat as I stamped towards the car. My anger and the false bravery from the wine I had drunk kept my feet stepping forwards. But when the car door opened and Allister climbed out, I thought I would vomit. I swallowed hard and dug deep for courage. I needed to do this for me, as well as for him.

  I glanced back at the house and saw Bear’s frame on the front porch. It eased my fear, knowing he was here if I needed him. I held Allister’s gaze. He was ruffled, shirt untucked from his jeans, strands of gelled-back hair falling over his forehead.

  ‘Got yourself a new boyfriend already?’ he asked, arms crossed over his chest.

  I shook my head. ‘No. He’s renovating the house.’

  He looked down at his wrist watch. ‘At seven o’clock at night?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He stepped closer, his nostrils flaring and I flinched. Damn him.

  ‘What’s going on, Hannah? You up and leave without even telling me. That’s not okay. Not after all this time. You owe me an explanation at least.’ He was trying to sound hard, but his voice cracked.

  My heart sunk to my stomach. He had this way of making me feel so guilty. ‘I don’t owe you anything.’

  ‘You can’t do this to me. I don’t deserve being treated this way. I don’t understand why you would leave without a word. Can you imagine what it was like for me to come home and see you gone? All your stuff gone?’

  ‘That’s what you did to me, Allister. That’s what I resorted to. To get away from you.’

  ‘I was good to you damn it and you know it!’ he hissed, his words loud and harsh.

  ‘Then I’d hate to see your definition of bad.’

  He gripped my arm and tugged me forwards. ‘Get in the fucking car. We’re going home.’

  I pulled away, shook my head and stood my ground, but my voice was shaking. ‘I am home. This is my home now. And you’re no longer welcome in my life. Driving back and forth isn’t going to change anything—’

  ‘Because of him?’ he said pointing at Bear, his grey irises appearing black under the night-time shadows.

  ‘No, Allister, damn it, because of you—’

  ‘Bullshit! How long have you been seeing him? How long has this been going on? I knew you were a whore, but I didn’t believe you’d do this. You think he’s going to stick around with someone like you? Look at you. You’re a fat …’

  I watched him ranting at me. He was like a school boy the way he was talking. Always the same things he said to me. Whore. Fat. Ugly. No one other than him would ever want me. And instead of grief and hurt, my blood was boiling, for him being this way and for me putting up wit
h it for so long. I wanted to jump at him, claw at his face, and beat him with my fists. I wanted to kill him. I hated him. Hated him.

  I didn’t have to put up with this. I’d never had to put up with this. ‘Shut up!’ I screamed. ‘It’s over. If you don’t leave right now, I’ll ring your work and I’ll tell them everything. And I mean everything. Right from the beginning. I’ll tell them how you hit me so hard you bruised my cheek and ribs. I’ll tell them how you’re stalking me now. You’re nothing but a weak, spoiled, little boy. You’re a child. And it’s over. Nothing you say will change that. Nothing. You’re to leave. If I see your car again, I’m telling your parents and I’m ringing your work.’

  His nose wrinkled and eyes narrowed. ‘They won’t believe you,’ he hissed.

  ‘They will. And besides, if they don’t, you’re forgetting that I have police evidence.’

  His lips twisted into a snarl. ‘I don’t know why I ever bothered with such a useless, fat whore—’

  I slapped his face and his head shot to the side. My palm stung. He looked at me like he could kill me, nostrils flared, heaving chest.

  ‘Yeah, well, that’s no longer your problem anymore, is it? Now leave!’ I screamed, my voice echoing through the darkness and out over the quiet street. ‘Leave now!’ My lips were trembling and my voice unsteady, but I didn’t care.

  Something changed in his eyes then, in the set of his features, his breathing—fury. He lunged at me and caught me by the throat. I gagged at the sensation and choked at the same time. I needed a breath, but couldn’t find a skerrick of air. As panic crept in, he let go. I gasped and coughed, trying to suck in a much needed breath.

  Allister backed away suddenly towards the car with his hands up in front of him. I couldn’t understand why, through my terrified haze, until loud footsteps sounded behind me. Bear stormed past me. He shoved Allister up against the car, his hand closed over his throat, the other pushing at his chest.

  ‘How does it feel?’ yelled Bear, shoving him again into the car with a metallic clang.

  Allister’s face was red, his mouth was flapping as he attempted to force words past the choking hold Bear had on him. His face was deepening in colour, transforming from a glowing red to a deep blue-purple. My heart thundered. My god, Bear was going to kill him if he didn’t let go.